Joy. 11:34 PM

I witnessed the last sunset of summer 2010 with my toes in the sand and guitar in my arms. The sound of the waves drowned out my voice as I played every song I wrote this summer on my baby taylor and ended my little tribute with some sanskrit. And as I turned around to walk back home the harvest moon rose from the east in perfect alignment with the sidewalk I was on.

I woke up this morning unusually early feeling a happy buzz in my head from a conversation the night before and a sense of an energetic shift in the air. Something was up. Sure enough in my planner a full moon was drawn and I got an email from Risa informing me that not only is it a full moon it's a super harvest moon that happens only about every 20 years. A full moon on the equinox. I just took another peak at it with Jupiter also shining brightly.

I learned a secret on Monday night: "The secret of joy is giving."

Makes enough sense to me. I watch so many TED talks that I lose track of who is who but I remember one speaker who talked about a study done where participants were given $100. Half were told to spend it on themselves, the other half were told to spend it on others. Results showed the people who spent the money on others were happier, and had more fun spending the money.

So I asked myself, what is the biggest thing I've ever given and how much joy did I actually feel? The first thing that comes to mind is the guitar I gave away earlier this year in Bali. It was a cheap guitar I bought in India that I drew all over and it didn't sound very good really but its sentimental value was tremendous. I played it everyday at the ashram and carried that baby around southern India, Hong Kong, Alaska, and Bali. It was played on mountains, in trains, on beaches, on porches, in homes, in hotel rooms, and in airports. When I let it go to Ketut, a polite teenage Balinese boy, the look in his eyes made me so happy I could have cried. I was also happy that I could now go off to India again with truly only what I could carry on my back. And I am still happy to know that guitar is not hanging on my wall collecting dust and looking pretty but that someone on the other side of the world promised me he would practice what I taught him.

But there has got to be something bigger than that, and it comes to mind that the biggest things we give are not things at all. To me, time and energy hold the most value in how I can contribute to this world. TIME especially is so precious to me and I am very careful as to how it gets distributed. Probably the largest act of time and energy I've given is when I interned full time without pay for 6 months in an inpatient rehab facility. But even when I do get paid I still feel like I am giving of myself, especially in my line of work where I provide services and experiences.

And that bring me to something a former yoga teacher once told me..... that the act of helping people makes you feel good because as you do endorphins are released in the brain. This "feeling good"sensation can be similar to a high induced by substances (though obviously healthier). Funny guy that he is said something like, "so I realized I'm not helping people selflessly, I'm doing it to get high!" So that is my dilemma with "the secret of joy is giving." If we know that giving will bring us joy, and if we give because we want to receive joy, isn't that selfish?

Luckily for me I was able to ask the question out loud to Turiya who introduced me to the concept of "spiritual selfishness." A good reminder that things are not black and white. Not all selfishness is bad, there is a proper way for it. And I now realize I certainly shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to feel good about giving. It is okay to have an intention to receive joy as long as its not loaded up with expectation. So what if I want to feel good about what I do, so what if I want joy in return for putting in my best efforts, so what if I've used this blog to brag about the things I've given....... maybe if we were all more spiritually selfish there would be more joy in this world. It also makes me think that selfishness itself is not all that bad. One things I've learned in my years of work is that you have to take care of yourself before anyone else or you are not doing anyone any good and in my case if I'm not taking care of myself I am being a hypocrite.

Perhaps our individual experiences of joy do add to a collective, and to be a part of that collective we have to give. Give to ourselves and others.

Ending this with a shout out to one of my favorite people in the universe, the beautiful soul Benny Luttrell who started a blog and will be documenting his upcoming trip to India. We met there last year and now the she calls him back. He is also the founder of the Maha Mountain Movement in Colorado. So proud of him.

Whales! 12:27 PM

Back in December I made a New Years resolution to see a whale. Despite living on some Pacific coast for my whole life I had never seen one. As good timing finds those with an intention, I saw one within a few days off the coast of Hilo when we were showing my Australian girlfriends around on their first day there. My brother pointed out a humpback waving it's big fin at us, and I waved back.

This past Monday I was taking an afternoon walk around Redondo and as I was walking up the ramp to go back home I noticed a strange mist out in the ocean, and then what looked like a fountain coming up out of the water, then another one, and another one. There was a father and daughter with binoculars looking out and the dad told me there was a group of about five blue whales out there. I stood there and watched for a while, just amazed that the biggest living mammal was out there.

I was so excited about this I ran home and called by brother and dad (the two best ocean men I know) and then sent out a group text message to about ten people in the area with the hope that someone else would be just as excited as I was and make an effort to go see these whales. There was one person who I almost didn't bother texting because for some reason assumed he wouldn't care. But surprise surprise the young Josh/Ethan was the one person who called me from the beach saying "where are they????" No sense in assuming. You just never know. Kudos to you my huckleberry friend.

And more assumptions challenged. I was so amazed by these whales I built it up in my head that this was some kind of once in a lifetime event and I was so lucky to have such good timing and what a good sign this is and so on and so on. A couple of days later I saw the same thing, and again I thought holy shit this is amazing I'm seeing them AGAIN do these whales know that I'm here watching them and really what are the chances of this, I'm the luckiest person alive! A nice lady with a nose ring smoking a cigarette let me use her binoculars and I was gawking at the whales she said, "yeah they've been out here everyday feeding on the krill out there." Grounded. A little voice in my head laughed and said this has nothing to do with you, the whales are here to eat!

So letting go of reason, I have had an enjoyable week observing the marine wildlife. Everyday this week I've watched either whales or dolphins. There is something so beautiful about that.

I have two other new years resolutions. Both come with some degree of chance, or I should say the outcome is not one of those things I can really work towards. If I could, I would go full on into it. I am absolutely willing to work hard for this things I want, so instead this year I challenged myself to choose things that require a little letting go of control. We'll shall see.

I bet people who design book covers for a living hate the expression "never judge a book by its cover." - Mark Hoppus

Thank you, Frank. 8:59 PM

I would like to acknowledge Frank Ferrante for:

1. Being a shining example of positive transformation.

2. Putting a great effort into health and love even when it was difficult.

3. Allowing his life to be transparent for the greater good.

4. Inspiring others to live their best and love their best.

4. Having the courage to be vulnerable and authentic.

5. Being a fantastic hugger.

Thank you, Frank. Who wouldn't want to hug a man wearing that shirt?!

Frank is the star of the film May I Be Frank, but he is not actor. I've written about this before but this is worth a repeat. He is a man who took a few million conscious steps forward to be a better person- healthier, happier, more compassionate, more aware, and more able to love himself. His transformation is documented in the film by Gregg Marks and the good people at Cafe Gratitude are his costars. All of them together creating a beautiful story that is an invitation to see potential. The potential of yourself, of reaching out to someone else, of teamwork, of life.

I saw this film for the first time a few months ago at a screening in Venice and it got me. When I heard it would be shown at the Wellness Film Festival at Agape in Culver City I just had to see it again, as a reminder of what I learned last time: that the rewards of positive change are worth the effort, love yourself no matter what, and of course that I get by with a little help from my friends. Seeing it the second time was just as moving. I've been feeling unusually unbalanced and uneasy the past couple of days and so it was nice to be in the grounding space the film creates.

With any relatable story what we all end up doing is projecting ourselves onto it. Frank's story is one with such human elements that I'm sure most people will see parts of themselves in it. I've learned that when something in a movie (or book or song) makes you cry or laugh or feel that resonance, it's a signal to yourself saying something here is significant in this moment, and that usually has to do with something to be learned. The first time I saw this film I saw most of my projections in his struggles with things like communication with his family, self doubt, buried emotions, and fatigue. This time, despite my more solemn mood I connected more with his success.

It's no coincidence that I felt this on the 9th anniversary of September 11th. When I look back on where I was nine years ago, I see my own transformation. On this day in 2001 I was just going through the motions at a job I hated, I was applying to Optometry school, and had a safe little plan of becoming an eye doctor, getting married, buying a house, and having kids. None of that happened. And not that anything was wrong with that plan, I was just not honoring my full potential or my true passions, and I was not happy. So I made a tremendous effort to change and I became a music therapist, singer/songwriter, musician, and business owner. I have travelled around the world nearly twice and met my biggest heros (I just had a nice laugh thinking about what I would say to myself if I could meet the Ami that existed on September 11,2001...... I would say, hey cheer up cause in three months you are gonna meet Dave Grohl, get your shit together!). it was rough at times. Rough, but worth it. Though I have my moody moments, I can say I am happy with my life right now, in fact I'm pretty blown away with this life I lead. Amazing.

So here are more projections. It's the qualities you most admire in others that you want to be known for also. So I acknowledge myself for the same things as Frank. After all, it takes two good huggers to make a good hug.

And even better I was able to buy the movie so I have a copy of it here, let's watch it and keep this going.....

Popular with animals 12:01 PM

"And people who love... age slower, run faster, jump higher, eat healthier, tend to live in cottages, are as happy with friends as they are alone, climb more trees, skip when they could walk, kiss when they could talk, take the odd Friday off, experience faster manifestations, and are really popular with animals."

The future is paved with better days. 7:08 PM

The song "Better Days" by Eddie Vedder is the latest spark to my heart. He's got that something in his voice where he could be singing about how great a hamburger tastes and I'd still listen (he wouldn't though, he's a vegetarian). But here he is singing about love and being a part of the universe and the beauty of internal journeys...... and it's off the Eat Pray Love soundtrack..... I wonder if this song was meant especially for me. It gets me and I'm glad we found each other.

In the late afternoon today I took a walk on the beach with my ipod. I made an awesome mix for my yoga session this morning so I put it back on to enjoy. It was overcast, cool, and the waters were grey and easy going. As I reached my turn around point at Torrance Beach I was greeted by a couple of dolphins jumping up and around in the water. I walked towards the waves and noticed there were more in this pod leisurely swimming north, the same way as me. So I kept along on the wet sand rather than going back on the path and for the next mile jogged slowly along with them. And when Better Days played through my headphones I had one of those moments where everything just seemed right and in place. A beautiful song for a beautiful moment. When I came to the lifeguard stand to turn east, they also swam back out to deeper waters.

Lovely day.

Both Sara and I have been making an effort to listen to only positive music. So far on my playlist I have Brett Dennen, the Make Peace Brothers, Josh Ritter, Feist, Mraz, the Beatles, U2, Death Cab for Cutie, and Eddie Vedder. These people are saving the world.