Shooting stars and satellites 10:43 PM

I've been having these moments of music bliss that have been catching me off guard. These small surprises though, have the power to make my day.

Like yesterday I was sitting here typing out my invoices for the month listening to Pandora when a Tyronne Wells song called All I Can Do came on. It was as if he reached through my computer screen and slapped me in the face. Actually, lets think of a better metaphor since I think he is far from the type of guy who will slap a female. It was as if he materialized in my apartment and sang the song so loudly that I had no choice but to stop what I was doing and listen to every word in a moment so grand that I thought, "wow I really gotta tell someone about this."

On Thursday I was driving home right after sunset and took the route closest to the water while listening to She and Him's I Can Hear Music and ohhh..... it was brilliant.

And tonight it was Ben Gibbard. I was feeling somewhat rattled all day today, like something was missing but I didn't know what. It's like that feeling of being homesick, when in fact you are actually at home. I had a few things throw me off balance today but I was able to attend a nice Halloween Eve party in Sherman Oaks. As I was driving home on the 405 and enjoying the Los Angeles city lights passing by (i love driving at night), I started fiending for some Death Cab. I mean really, it was like this craving coming from a full blown addiction. And an addiction it may be because as soon as Bixby Canyon Bridge started playing my whole being just felt so satisfied.

I also had a moment this week where I was driving around listening to my demos, and it's like I woke up and realized, "this is me!"

Ten Years. 10:20 PM

Let me share with you what this moment is like. I am sitting at my dining room table listening to The Colour and the Shape (my favorite album OF ALL TIME, it is on HEY JP right now) with a glass of chardonnay, stomach comfortably satisfied with pasta, and a HEART OVERFLOWING WITH GRATITUDE. So much that I have no choice but to sit here and write about it. There are all kinds of things I need to do to prepare for tomorrow, there is more work on my website I could do, there are books I want to read, there was a phone call I would have loved to stay on for just ten more minutes.... but there is nothing else I can do but write about the significance of TODAY, October 25, 2010.

Today is the TEN YEAR anniversary of my first FOO FIGHTERS show. Ten years ago AT THIS VERY MOMENT I was falling in love. Hard. I swear, it changed something in me. Ever since that night I have held them to be my favorite band in LIFE. I still stand by that 100%. I'm not saying they are better than bands like the Beatles or Zeppelin, I know musically they are not, but I still connect with their music more, and nobody can argue with that.

So, October 25, 2000. I was in my last year in college. I liked the song Everlong and that was enough reason for me to see this band. My friend Mark and I got tickets to the show at Universal Amphitheater. I had an exam the next day so I asked Mark to drive so I could study in the car but I was so excited I could not concentrate. I was in such awe of their performance that I don't remember much. What sticks with me most was the feeling I came home with. I truly believed I experienced something extraordinary, and I came home and wrote this in my journal:

"Today was one of the best days of my life. I hope I will always remember how amazing it was. It's something about seeing real people onstage and hearing what they are playing at that moment that gives me this feeling. The best part was that they played Everlong last and it was so beautiful, I felt like I didn't have the capacity to enjoy it completely. I cannot imagine my life without music and people to enjoy it with."

I went back for that feeling 30 times more since then, and they delivered each time. A year after that I got to meet Dave Grohl and that event lead me to meet one of my best friends and that lead me to really experiencing my appreciation for music at it's full potential and having what I said I wanted- a life of music with people to enjoy it with. And this life I have right now..... this is it, this is all of that.

Time is a strange concept to ponder. On that day in 2000 Dave Grohl was the age I am now. I was just 20 and hadn't a clue about life, and I'll probably say the same thing about my present self ten years from now. But in these past ten years so much has happened, and I gotta say that I am pretty proud of sticking with my love for Foo. Of all the changes I went through, the struggles of trying to figure out my path in life through my 20's, the failed relationships, the hard work, the moving around, the mountain I climbed to become a musician myself..... I stuck with this love and it served me well. With all the rollercoasters and restlessness I experienced, it's nice to know I am able to feel the same way I did ten years ago. Even if they did disappoint me on a couple albums or when other people thought they weren't cool anymore or when their setlists stayed the same. It never faded. I can close my eyes, imagine being at that show, and I can still feel the butterflies.

Now that "music and people to enjoy it with" is the normal for me, I put out a new hope that this lasting of feeling of love and happiness, for the things that matter most to me, translates into all areas of my life.

Kudos to Dave, Taylor, Chris, and Nate. Your music opened so many doors for me. A million times, thank you.

Lauched. 10:56 PM

It is up and running.......

ifeelinspiredtoday.com

After MANY MANY hours of putting heart and soul into this, at noon today I finished the official website of my business Inspired Arts and Wellness. I spent a few more hours getting it out there on every platform I have. What a world we live in right now that this is even possible.

Then I left my house, turned off my phone, and unplugged until now. Not because I didn't care or want to know what the response was, but because I cared a little too much and knew I would be compulsively checking my email if it was accessible. I enjoyed an absolutely wonderful evening out with a great movie and great food and great company..... and came home to an abundance of loving responses.

This is one of those days, just so good I had to get something down about it before going to sleep. And tomorrow I celebrate again..... another special occasion that deserves a blog post all to itself.

And just to add, two years ago today Risa and I took a plane ride from Ireland to France and spent hours sitting on the French Riviera. Thank you, life.

"I marvel at the stars and feel my heart overflow...." -Incubus

Everything is amazing 9:34 AM

Come As You Are 8:29 PM

Seattle/Tacoma airport. Gate B6. Waiting to board.

I caught a public bus from the waterfront to the International district this morning. As the bus driver and I greeted each other, my heart felt a little flutter as I held back my honest reaction to him that occurred as the thought, “HOLY SHIT YOU LOOK LIKE DAVE GROHL!!!”

I just spent three well lived days in Seattle with my mom. I’ve been here twice before but just for short periods of time. Once when I was in high school to look at colleges and another time with my brother on our way back from Canada. As a big fan of rain and overcast skies, I adore the Pacific Northwest. And I am an even bigger fan of the music that has come out of this pocket of the world. Special kudos to Jimi Hendrix, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, and Death Cab for Cutie. I love being in places where music movements came from. I spent one day in Liverpool a few years ago and it was like experiencing ten birthdays all at one time.

On Wednesday I caught an early morning flight out of LAX and made it to Seattle by 10:30. My mom gave me specific instructions on how to catch the lightrail to a bus station and then a bus to the Edgewater Hotel where she and my aunt were waiting for me. I was famished by the time I got there so we all walked over to Pike’s for lunch. It was a beautiful and warm day with so much for the senses to take in.

My aunt left us after lunch to fly back to Los Angeles and my mom and I took on part of the city by foot. We walked around Pike’s Market and Pioneer Square, in and out of the many tiny independent bookstores, shops, and cafes. Somehow our feet just took us where cool spots without much planning or navigation. Nice and easy. We stopped into an Irish Pub called Fado for a break and had some cider that was on tap. Yummmmmy.

We had a elegant dinner at our hotel right after sunset with white wine and seafood. The Edgewater Hotel was a fantastic choice. When researching accommodations my mom sent me the link to this place and when I read the BEATLES stayed there, that was enough for me. They uprgraded us to a lovely room with a fireplace right on the water. SO relaxing and comfortable. We called it an early night. I was exhausted from getting up so early and walking all day.

Thursday was spent around the Seattle Center and hitting up the number one thing I wanted to see- the Experience Music Project. It’s a rather small museum but I can spend hours there reading things I already know and have already seen but this stuff never ever gets old. (I’m so happy cause today I’ve found my friends... ) And I very much enjoy being me walking around this museum thinking about how I’ve actually had conversations with some of these people - Dave Grohl, Krist Noveselic, Eddie Vedder, Ben Gibbard - who were individuals part of creating not just music, but a change in music. I’m not saying they are actually my friends but as I get older the degree of mental separateness from them decreases and that is a good feeling. I may be standing in there looking at a Nirvana display in a museum but in my heart I am experiencing them more as human beings that were great musicians, instead of these stories you hear about on TV and in books. Before leaving I also got to play some guitar in the jam rooms which made my fingers happy.

The Space Needle was right next door so we took the lift up for a great look out on the city and water (oh what a beautiful view....). We walked back to out hotel in a light rain and watched the fog roll in. We decided the perfect dinner would be chowder and salad. With perfect timing we got back to our hotel to see a Beatles cover band playing in our hotel lobby. It was just the Lennon and McCartney of the band but they sounded great and the hotel had Beatles themed drinks and appetizers. I was impressed in their ability to span the Beatles collection and how they included quite a few of the lesser known numbers.

Friday was a cold and sunny day of walking, shopping, and eating downtown. (I don’t mind the weather I’ve got scarves and caps and sweaters....) We started the day with wheatgrass shots and an apple cinnamon roll for breakfast. We stopped into chocolate shops, department stores, boutiques, and malls. My favorite part of the day and perhaps best meal of the trip was a late lunch at an Italian restaurant called Barolo. We enjoyed a three course meal served by Robert Downey Jr.’s doppleganger. We even managed to see the Social Network a very large theater. We spent our last night relaxing in our hotel room with veggie sandwiches.

My mom left early this morning. Before I packed up I took a walk along the waterfront and up to Pike’s Market to get some tea enjoy some last moments of observing the streets of Seattle. What a great city. It doesn’t have the appeal that would make me want to live there, but definitely a city worth getting to know. The people are friendly and personable, the streets are easy to navigate, public transportation is efficient, and best of all there is a natural sense of culture, art, and history in the atmosphere. (My mom in front of the first Startbucks -->)

Three days was just enough. I am happy to be going home. Lots to look forward to.

Thank you Mom and Seattle.

Signing off with a note from Jimi Hendrix....

Seattle. Love your best. 6:09 PM

Composing this blog on an airplane temporarily parked in Oakland airport. It feels so good to be back on the road, yet the feeling didn’t hit me until about an hour ago when I got my travel journal back out to get down my intentions for this trip to Seattle. In the past week my mind and time have been so consumed with other things that I haven’t had the mental space for anticipation to grow. It was nice to just pack up and leave without the anxiety that comes along with anticipation, and part of the ease of this trip is knowing my mom is joining me and she took on most of the planning.

I was reading back in my travel journal from earlier this year. Just eight months ago I was returning from India. I forgot how ready I was to come home then, and how excited I was to get my everyday life started back up again. I was so excited I forgot how I excited I was and now looking back I am so happy with all I’ve done since then. I set some big goals and they are all now in full effect. It’s exhilarating.

When I returned from India, though burned out on travel, I also vowed to myself that I would never ever give up traveling as part of my lifestyle. I love it too much, and it’s one of the fastest way to learn. I remember my grandma calling me, concerned that my early return home was a sign that my adventurous spirit had been dampened, and I assured her that it most certainly is still in tact. And so I honor that now by flying up to the Pacific Northwest to get a nice buzz from an unfamiliar city. I also honor my efforts to find balance. Travel or adventure does not have to mean flying across the globe. I certainly learned that last weekend at a seminar by Dr. Brian Weiss.

Just have to give a quick mention to something funny I just thought of. Sara was over yesterday morning and we were enjoying green smoothies and good company. I was telling her my plans for the day which included going to buy a suitcase. She replied, “you are a traveller! how do YOU not have a suitcase??” That IS strange. And I still don’t cause I’m borrowing hers. For some reason I very amused by this.

I’ll end here with a peaceful thought to the lovely Bella Ringgold who passed away on Monday. Bella was born in May of 2009 with a rare skin condition called Epidermolysis Bullosa. She and her family built mountains of love as they showed up and did their part the best they could. Her father is my mentor, music therapy colleague, and friend. It should not take something as extreme as death to shake us up and wake us up to how beautifully precious life is, but as humans we do forget at times. So in this moment I have much gratitude to both Tim and Bella for sending me off to Seattle with a reminder that life is happening now- say it now because you never know, take action to follow your heart, and love your best.

Possibility and surprise. 8:34 PM

I was sitting on the beach this evening with my baby taylor that was helping me wind down the day. As I sat there singing Karma's Best Idea to the waves, I had a thought that it's been quite a while since I've played a live gig and it sure would be nice to get up to the mic again. Early in the summer I was playing at least once a week and then somehow diminished to zero.

Sometimes all it takes is a thought.

My good luck decided to kick in tonight when I came to see my friends play and what do you know...... one of them didn't make it so I took his set on as soon as I walked into the door. Nice surprise.

Surprises. I have been making a conscious effort to let go of expectation lately just for this reason. To leave room for surprise. I've experienced some AMAZING ones in my life. And I don't mean surprise birthday parties (well actually I had one really good one on my 21st) or anything that was actually a secret that was planned, but a surprise that just came up in the moment or had nothing to do with me. Like last September when Risa and I ended up with front row center seats at a Blink show in Jersey. Or when Dave Grohl showed up at Weenie Roast. Or when I ran into Jason Mraz backstage at a Ben Gibbard show. I'm trying to think of one that doesn't involve me name dropping a celebrity..... like when I found $500 in a library book, or the time ran into a friend in the Mumbai airport. There are tons more. Point is, these things happen. All the time. And I think it would happen more if I was able to let go more and leave room for the possibility of it.

Cheers to possibility.

I ended my set tonight with a optimistic little tune all about this. Now I sit here listening to Treeunion and the beautiful voice of Dylan Byrne singing "holy, I'm ALIVE." Very grateful for Dylan tonight for letting me use use guitar and providing me with some music time.

Joy. 11:34 PM

I witnessed the last sunset of summer 2010 with my toes in the sand and guitar in my arms. The sound of the waves drowned out my voice as I played every song I wrote this summer on my baby taylor and ended my little tribute with some sanskrit. And as I turned around to walk back home the harvest moon rose from the east in perfect alignment with the sidewalk I was on.

I woke up this morning unusually early feeling a happy buzz in my head from a conversation the night before and a sense of an energetic shift in the air. Something was up. Sure enough in my planner a full moon was drawn and I got an email from Risa informing me that not only is it a full moon it's a super harvest moon that happens only about every 20 years. A full moon on the equinox. I just took another peak at it with Jupiter also shining brightly.

I learned a secret on Monday night: "The secret of joy is giving."

Makes enough sense to me. I watch so many TED talks that I lose track of who is who but I remember one speaker who talked about a study done where participants were given $100. Half were told to spend it on themselves, the other half were told to spend it on others. Results showed the people who spent the money on others were happier, and had more fun spending the money.

So I asked myself, what is the biggest thing I've ever given and how much joy did I actually feel? The first thing that comes to mind is the guitar I gave away earlier this year in Bali. It was a cheap guitar I bought in India that I drew all over and it didn't sound very good really but its sentimental value was tremendous. I played it everyday at the ashram and carried that baby around southern India, Hong Kong, Alaska, and Bali. It was played on mountains, in trains, on beaches, on porches, in homes, in hotel rooms, and in airports. When I let it go to Ketut, a polite teenage Balinese boy, the look in his eyes made me so happy I could have cried. I was also happy that I could now go off to India again with truly only what I could carry on my back. And I am still happy to know that guitar is not hanging on my wall collecting dust and looking pretty but that someone on the other side of the world promised me he would practice what I taught him.

But there has got to be something bigger than that, and it comes to mind that the biggest things we give are not things at all. To me, time and energy hold the most value in how I can contribute to this world. TIME especially is so precious to me and I am very careful as to how it gets distributed. Probably the largest act of time and energy I've given is when I interned full time without pay for 6 months in an inpatient rehab facility. But even when I do get paid I still feel like I am giving of myself, especially in my line of work where I provide services and experiences.

And that bring me to something a former yoga teacher once told me..... that the act of helping people makes you feel good because as you do endorphins are released in the brain. This "feeling good"sensation can be similar to a high induced by substances (though obviously healthier). Funny guy that he is said something like, "so I realized I'm not helping people selflessly, I'm doing it to get high!" So that is my dilemma with "the secret of joy is giving." If we know that giving will bring us joy, and if we give because we want to receive joy, isn't that selfish?

Luckily for me I was able to ask the question out loud to Turiya who introduced me to the concept of "spiritual selfishness." A good reminder that things are not black and white. Not all selfishness is bad, there is a proper way for it. And I now realize I certainly shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to feel good about giving. It is okay to have an intention to receive joy as long as its not loaded up with expectation. So what if I want to feel good about what I do, so what if I want joy in return for putting in my best efforts, so what if I've used this blog to brag about the things I've given....... maybe if we were all more spiritually selfish there would be more joy in this world. It also makes me think that selfishness itself is not all that bad. One things I've learned in my years of work is that you have to take care of yourself before anyone else or you are not doing anyone any good and in my case if I'm not taking care of myself I am being a hypocrite.

Perhaps our individual experiences of joy do add to a collective, and to be a part of that collective we have to give. Give to ourselves and others.

Ending this with a shout out to one of my favorite people in the universe, the beautiful soul Benny Luttrell who started a blog and will be documenting his upcoming trip to India. We met there last year and now the she calls him back. He is also the founder of the Maha Mountain Movement in Colorado. So proud of him.

Whales! 12:27 PM

Back in December I made a New Years resolution to see a whale. Despite living on some Pacific coast for my whole life I had never seen one. As good timing finds those with an intention, I saw one within a few days off the coast of Hilo when we were showing my Australian girlfriends around on their first day there. My brother pointed out a humpback waving it's big fin at us, and I waved back.

This past Monday I was taking an afternoon walk around Redondo and as I was walking up the ramp to go back home I noticed a strange mist out in the ocean, and then what looked like a fountain coming up out of the water, then another one, and another one. There was a father and daughter with binoculars looking out and the dad told me there was a group of about five blue whales out there. I stood there and watched for a while, just amazed that the biggest living mammal was out there.

I was so excited about this I ran home and called by brother and dad (the two best ocean men I know) and then sent out a group text message to about ten people in the area with the hope that someone else would be just as excited as I was and make an effort to go see these whales. There was one person who I almost didn't bother texting because for some reason assumed he wouldn't care. But surprise surprise the young Josh/Ethan was the one person who called me from the beach saying "where are they????" No sense in assuming. You just never know. Kudos to you my huckleberry friend.

And more assumptions challenged. I was so amazed by these whales I built it up in my head that this was some kind of once in a lifetime event and I was so lucky to have such good timing and what a good sign this is and so on and so on. A couple of days later I saw the same thing, and again I thought holy shit this is amazing I'm seeing them AGAIN do these whales know that I'm here watching them and really what are the chances of this, I'm the luckiest person alive! A nice lady with a nose ring smoking a cigarette let me use her binoculars and I was gawking at the whales she said, "yeah they've been out here everyday feeding on the krill out there." Grounded. A little voice in my head laughed and said this has nothing to do with you, the whales are here to eat!

So letting go of reason, I have had an enjoyable week observing the marine wildlife. Everyday this week I've watched either whales or dolphins. There is something so beautiful about that.

I have two other new years resolutions. Both come with some degree of chance, or I should say the outcome is not one of those things I can really work towards. If I could, I would go full on into it. I am absolutely willing to work hard for this things I want, so instead this year I challenged myself to choose things that require a little letting go of control. We'll shall see.

I bet people who design book covers for a living hate the expression "never judge a book by its cover." - Mark Hoppus

Thank you, Frank. 8:59 PM

I would like to acknowledge Frank Ferrante for:

1. Being a shining example of positive transformation.

2. Putting a great effort into health and love even when it was difficult.

3. Allowing his life to be transparent for the greater good.

4. Inspiring others to live their best and love their best.

4. Having the courage to be vulnerable and authentic.

5. Being a fantastic hugger.

Thank you, Frank. Who wouldn't want to hug a man wearing that shirt?!

Frank is the star of the film May I Be Frank, but he is not actor. I've written about this before but this is worth a repeat. He is a man who took a few million conscious steps forward to be a better person- healthier, happier, more compassionate, more aware, and more able to love himself. His transformation is documented in the film by Gregg Marks and the good people at Cafe Gratitude are his costars. All of them together creating a beautiful story that is an invitation to see potential. The potential of yourself, of reaching out to someone else, of teamwork, of life.

I saw this film for the first time a few months ago at a screening in Venice and it got me. When I heard it would be shown at the Wellness Film Festival at Agape in Culver City I just had to see it again, as a reminder of what I learned last time: that the rewards of positive change are worth the effort, love yourself no matter what, and of course that I get by with a little help from my friends. Seeing it the second time was just as moving. I've been feeling unusually unbalanced and uneasy the past couple of days and so it was nice to be in the grounding space the film creates.

With any relatable story what we all end up doing is projecting ourselves onto it. Frank's story is one with such human elements that I'm sure most people will see parts of themselves in it. I've learned that when something in a movie (or book or song) makes you cry or laugh or feel that resonance, it's a signal to yourself saying something here is significant in this moment, and that usually has to do with something to be learned. The first time I saw this film I saw most of my projections in his struggles with things like communication with his family, self doubt, buried emotions, and fatigue. This time, despite my more solemn mood I connected more with his success.

It's no coincidence that I felt this on the 9th anniversary of September 11th. When I look back on where I was nine years ago, I see my own transformation. On this day in 2001 I was just going through the motions at a job I hated, I was applying to Optometry school, and had a safe little plan of becoming an eye doctor, getting married, buying a house, and having kids. None of that happened. And not that anything was wrong with that plan, I was just not honoring my full potential or my true passions, and I was not happy. So I made a tremendous effort to change and I became a music therapist, singer/songwriter, musician, and business owner. I have travelled around the world nearly twice and met my biggest heros (I just had a nice laugh thinking about what I would say to myself if I could meet the Ami that existed on September 11,2001...... I would say, hey cheer up cause in three months you are gonna meet Dave Grohl, get your shit together!). it was rough at times. Rough, but worth it. Though I have my moody moments, I can say I am happy with my life right now, in fact I'm pretty blown away with this life I lead. Amazing.

So here are more projections. It's the qualities you most admire in others that you want to be known for also. So I acknowledge myself for the same things as Frank. After all, it takes two good huggers to make a good hug.

And even better I was able to buy the movie so I have a copy of it here, let's watch it and keep this going.....

Popular with animals 12:01 PM

"And people who love... age slower, run faster, jump higher, eat healthier, tend to live in cottages, are as happy with friends as they are alone, climb more trees, skip when they could walk, kiss when they could talk, take the odd Friday off, experience faster manifestations, and are really popular with animals."